just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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