People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
