Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
