I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
