his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
