The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
