Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
