Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
