That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
