How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
