tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
