My cat gives me a boner
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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