The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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