you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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