i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
