I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
