I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
