i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
