When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
