hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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