I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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