my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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