All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
