We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
