apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
