I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
...so i touched it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
