remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
