We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
