I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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