Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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