the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
