I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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