Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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