Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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