Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
