i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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