I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't deserve a penis
Just high enough for therapy.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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