Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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