Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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