I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
