Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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