If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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