Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
