Where is the hickey?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Two words: nipple clamps
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