Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
