Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
