I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
