please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
