Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
