I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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